Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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