I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
