new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
