I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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