I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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