HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
