When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
