:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
