Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
