I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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