Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
