Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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