i think my tv is drunk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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