Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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