Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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