I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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