Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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