Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
