Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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