You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
