You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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