i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
