I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.