OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.