just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am one with the molecules
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”