I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US