My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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