worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
