They should really pass out barf bags in church
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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