Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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