a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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