watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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