Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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