can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I could fuck to npr.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
