I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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