and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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