did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
