all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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