Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
