Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We left an ass print on the piano.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
