there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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