bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
