the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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