Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
