You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
