Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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