Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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