I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
