To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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