the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need a beard to bite.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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