I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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