the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
