There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
