I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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