Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
