____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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