i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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