if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
