shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
