1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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