i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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