This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
