So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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