My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
