how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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