Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
