I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
