Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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