i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
