So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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