Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
