if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
