I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
