what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
