her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh god it's open bar.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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