im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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