i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
